Friday, November 26, 2004


Well, in a few days ( actually 07th December), I’m getting married… After all I’m 32, but still not the last in the generation! Some of my school colleagues got the children’s now going to elementary school, some has already divorced also(which is not so nice but it says that some time has gone). So we are somewhat in the middle of preparations for that auspicious day.
Maybe now is time to look little backward and resume one period of life… 32 years has gone very fast, and it is to expect that next 32 will pass even faster, at least if we consider what elders say. 64 years seams so far for me now, but times when we were 7, playing in the yard, doesn’t seam so far. And now, some friends of my age with children’s older than we where at that time.
First period, since 6 – 7 years, I’ve spend in inquiry, wondering and learning. Everything seamed so perfect and eternal: I was supposed to be eternally child, my parents are supposed to be always here for me, having all the answers I’ve needed. It was indeed beautiful period. I have some memories of times when I was under 6 years old. Those memories are all full of colors, flowers, and happiness. I remember sunny days spent on fields collecting flowers, playing with butterflies or other animals, but I don’t remember any cloudy day. All was perfect and death didn’t existed, all who I knew was supposed to live forever. I still remember the day when grandmother of my aunt has gone, the fact that we can vanish in nothing one time has horrified me for years after. So I’ve lived in my little paradise, somehow insolated from outer world. Idea to go to school was not well accepted, as I felt that I will lose something precious forever. And I’ve lost, simplicity and innocence, as grooving older we become more complicated and less playful. It is interesting that at the years of around 13-14, I was so disappointed and unhappy with going older and facing some experiences that I didn’t want to go through, that I’ve decided that I will not grow any more, and that will turn time back to become child again. Off course, this hasn’t worked, and I’ve continued to grow facing what life has brought. Even now I’m feeling nostalgic for this period of innocence, asking my self do we all has to “become” children’s again in order to get back real happiness?
Maybe this is referred by Jesus when he said that one has to become like a child again to enter in heaven kingdom. In lack of understanding, we often hurts other people, bringing them pain even to dearest one. We get in Love: we get hurt, sometimes our friend or family hurt’s us, sometimes we hurt them, but why things has to be this way? When we are children’s usually we bring only joy to everyone, and we feel happy too.


At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

O finaly ...
I'm so happy for you and I wish you all the best for your future.
Your friend from Milan (CZ).

At 2:31 PM, Blogger Scott B said...

I dont know about Jesus, its such a mixed up story.
but to me the understanding that we can reach innocence again comes from seeing everything in life.

I am certain that when we can face everything, all the pain and evil, all the death and loss, all the sadness and grief...when we have touched and felt all the depths that can be felt by a human spirit.

then maybe we will be in a position to detach ourselves from it all and see that underneath all the pain and grief we are still the thing we always were.

once we let go of all that experience, we will become innocent again.

I see a lot of people desperately cling to their childhood. I do. getting older is real hard. I miss the child in myself. but the joy is there underneath the pain. and when I let that pain go...I feel pure again.

its all good.
life is to be lived.

be lucky



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